Tuesday 17 September 2013

Rising Camp ~ Michael, The Happy Dancer

Rising Camp - The Complete Michael the Happy Dancer


During most of last year and the beginning of this year, I was housed in a hostel for people with addiction problems. During my rehabilitation I met many people. Here is one of them ~

February 16th 2013 A delightful young man, fallen on hard times, has taken up residence at the hostel. He's a struggling dancer. Such was my affiliation with his plight, I let him put his milk in my fridge.

February 22nd 2013 Michael, the dance student down the hall, showed off his cut and blow dry last night. I must admit, he looked stunning. Purple really is his colour.

March 3rd 2013 Michael, the delightful student dancer, was showing me his swanky phone earlier. I warned him not to flash it around the hostel, 'no-one messes with me' he said, 'if I get angry, I get pissed off. I got my friend down on the ground the other day for pissing me off. She didn't do it again'.

March 4th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, was again in the communal kitchen earlier, as I was defrosting my supper. 'My ex fiancĂ©e is bothering me,' he began, oblivious to my disinterest, 'We were together a month. If he comes round here, I'll scratch his eyes out' - I certainly wouldn't want to be the ex. Michael has the longest, sharpest, most expensively manicured fingernails I've ever seen.

March 5th 2013 Whislt scrambling an egg this morning, Michael, the happy dancer, came into the kitchen with a young man in tow, 'This is Darren' he began, oblivious to my disinterest, ' my ex. We've made up haven't we?' 'I don't know' Darren said, eyeing me up in my dressing gown and bed hair, 'is there a room going?' - I shall prepare breakfast in my room henceforth.

March 8th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, came back from a dance class earlier. 'Some blokes heckled me from a scaffold as I got off the bus!' I can't imagine why, the leotard wasn't that revealing.

March 10th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, was discussing his work experience placement at his college earlier. 'I'll be in the bakery, selling what I make in the canteen.' - He then proceeded to demonstrate his sausage roll.

March 11th 2013 So, the DWP think I haven't lived at the hostel for the past few months. They sent the letter to inform me of this here, to the address they claim not to have. I shall send them a photograph of me, and Michael the happy dancer, waving infront of the building.

March 15th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, knocked on my door earlier, rousing me from my depressed stupor. 'Do you have a match? My sink is clogged. Darren is eager to see into my ubend. He needs to light up my pipe' - 'Oh come on,' I replied, ' that's a crude and obvious double entendre.' - 'not at all' he continued, ' we were shagging on the sink earlier and I knocked over the pot pourri' .

March 16th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, was having coffee with me in the communal lounge earlier, when the conversation turned to gay marriage. 'Im a person aren't I?' he began, ' I have every right to marry the man I love.' I agreed and asked if that would be on the cards with Darren. He became unusually thoughtful, 'Darren is young. He has a lot to learn about the heart of a man' - I'll admit that this empassioned observation was moving, but would have been slightly more effective if he wasn't wearing a hip length satin dressing gown and bunny slippers, with his hair in a towel.

 March 18th 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, was showing me his routine for a review he is doing at his college in the communal lounge earlier. 'It's to the music of Cheryl Cole' he began, 'fight for this love'. He then played the music on his phone and executed a number of vigorous gyrations and hand clenchings, drawing back into a fist at his chest, before twisting his hips like he was using a hula hoop and creeping towards me on all fours like a cat. I was flattered and moderatley uncomfortable. The two workman putting up scaffolding outside the window broke into applause.

March 21st 2013 Michael, the happy dancer, was expressing his sadness at me leaving the hostel tomorrow. 'You've been a friend' he began, 'and haven't judged me like my family did. You've accepted me for who I am.' Nervously, he reached for a hug and I reciprocated, getting a mouthful of feathers from his boa. 'Perhaps we can keep in touch?' he continued, 'on facebook?' I idly wiped his lipstick from my cheek, 'Oh, I never use it' I said, 'I never use it'. 


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